Today’s reading:  2 John 1, Psalm 44

Today’s post is written by my friend Paige Holt. I’ve loved getting to know Paige over the past few years through our weekly small group Bible study.  She is a wife, a mother, and a surgeon who’s passion, love and care for people is simply contagious –

From the time I found out I was pregnant with my first child, Parker, I was worried about being a mother.  I had known that I wanted to be a mother for my entire life but once the reality hit that I was actually going to have a baby I couldn’t stop my mind from racing.  My biggest fear was that I would not bond with my child.  I was consumed with reading books about nursing, baby milestones and growth.  I talked to mothers about their journey trying to gain insight in to how it was that they developed the deep love and connection that they had with their children.  My own mother was detached and absent and my fear was that I would have that same relationship with my child.  Even after Parker was born, I struggled with fear.  I worried that I would become hardened, that the late night feedings would wear me out and that I would begrudge my baby for my lack of sleep.

I remember quite clearly when Parker was about four weeks old and he was nursing in a quiet midnight feed that it dawned on me how much God loved me.  In spite of my sin, in spite of my life of sin, he had entrusted this precious little human to me.  He had given me a soft heart for this little child.  He was giving me the ability to love this little human that he had created.  And, it was during that quiet middle of the night time, that God started speaking to me.

It was during those quiet times, with dimmed lights, that I realized how much I loved this little human.  Yes, he was cute and cuddly.  But it was much deeper than that.  I knew that I would give my life to protect this child.  And it dawned on me that God loved me so much that he sacrificed his own son so that I could be saved.  To be a new parent, holding this little snuggle bunny, and to feel the weight of love that God had for me by his sacrifice of His own Son is a feeling I will never forget.  It made me think about how heavy the burden of sin is that it would take such a sacrifice.

2 John 1 encourages us to love one another.  The author states that we should be full of love.  The truth will be with us forever.  And the passage shows the imagery of mother and child.  I am very grateful for those doubts and questions and concerns about motherhood.  It was the time in my adult life when I started to hear God’s voice again. The little nudges. The quiet whispers in the middle of the night.  All leading to the epiphany that God loved me in spite of my sin and made the ultimate sacrifice to be with me.  And in the end, I am his.