surrender

For I have given them the words that you gave me, and they have received them and have come to know in truth that I came from you; and they have believed that you sent me.I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom you have given me, for they are yours.All mine are yours, and yours are mine, and I am glorified in them.

John 17:8-10

As John’s gospel draws closer to the crucifixion of Jesus, there’s a certain heaviness that settles in. We witness the intimacy of the relationship between Jesus and his Father. Jesus reveals the character of God through his presence on earth and now that character will continue to live through his disciples and Christ followers. For me, as I read today’s scripture it feels like the beginning of goodbye. As Jesus prays for his disciples and then for all believers I find myself thinking, “no, not yet, I’m not ready to be without you!” There is so much comfort and peace in the knowledge that we belong to God and that he is always with us. But there is also a requirement of surrender that comes with that promise. My husband and I have experienced that surrender on two occasions. Two of our children battle chronic illness. Our son became very ill as an infant. The days in the hospital became weeks and the answers more elusive. Eventually, it became clear that we would take this baby home without the healing we had prayed for. Truthfully, I was angry. I couldn’t understand why God would heal other babies but not mine. I asked Him over and over to reveal what I needed to do to be a better Christian so that he would heal my son. The answer never came. As time went on, I watched friends and family members give birth to healthy babies and I envied their freedom. Every part of my life was colored by the realities of having a sick child.

On one particularly difficult day in the hospital, our son required a procedure to place central line into his heart for nutrition. They took my baby from me and promised to be back soon with the new line in place. When they brought him back, everything had changed. He was lying still, eyes closed inside a clear plastic warming box. All we could do was look at him through the lid. We could not reach in, could not touch him we simply could not have him in that moment. We were told that he was having difficulty bringing his body temperature back up to normal and therefore he needed to stay in the box. We were told that his body was very weak going in to the procedure and that now we’d have to wait and see how he responded over the next several hours. I remember every detail of that night. I remember sinking into the corner of his room, face to the wall as I slid down to the ground. There was no more reasoning, no more bargaining, no more controlling the situation. I surrendered. For the first time in my life I had to livethe truth that our children are not ours, they belong to our Heavenly Father.

“All mine are yours and yours are mine….“ John 17:10

In John 17 we watch and listen to Jesus making that same kind of surrender. He knows this is the beginning of the end for his earthly life with his disciples. There is a sadness and a heaviness as he acknowledges the tremendous battleground he leaves on earth. Jesus’ greatest desire for his disciples is that they will become one. He wanted them to be unified as a powerful witness to the reality of God’s love. I view this chapter of John as Jesus’ last love letter to us. He has completed his mission on earth and God glorifies him. Now we are left to live in His truth until he returns. Jesus gave me one son, and today Ollie is a nearly 8 year old miracle. When I surrendered him to God on that February night in 2011, he was given back to me several hours later, tiny baby fists pounding on the lid of his isolette. I said goodbye to the idea that he belongs to me and accepted Christ and the plans he has for our life. If there’s something you can surrender this week, I hope you’ll take the time to be in prayer and conversation with Jesus. I wish you joy and most of all hope in this season of Advent!

~Jillian

Holy Ground

Today’s reading is Luke 18:2-8 and Psalm 127.

Psalm 127:1-2 reads..

“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for he gives to his beloved sleep.”

How often do we try to “build our house” without the Lord? In reflecting back on the prayers throughout most of my life, my prayers have typically involved asking for forgiveness for my sins, thanking God for dying on the cross for me, and praying for others’ needs of which I’m aware. While asking for forgiveness for my sins and believing in His death on the cross is sufficient to go to Heaven and praying for the needs of others is noble and something God wants…I don’t think that’s all He wants.

John 15:5 reads..

“I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

Meriam-Webster defines Lord as “one having power and authority over others.” God wants to be Lord of your life, not just some of your life, but all of it. God doesn’t just want some of your heart, he wants all of it. It says clearly in John 15:5, “apart from me you can do nothing.” God wants our marriage, our kids, our careers, our finances, our health…he wants EVERYTHING. He wants to be Lord of all those things. He wants us to surrender all of those things to Him and His lordship (authority)..not just our sins.

Why do we hold back our personal needs and desires from Him and not ask Him for help, guidance, and wisdom in all these areas of our life? Why do we not acknowledge he’s already in control of these things anyway and ask Him for help?

Here are a few potential reasons…

We don’t think he really cares about our needs..big and small. Why would he be concerned about little old me? However, Psalm 139:13-14 tells us He knit us together in our mother’s womb, and we are fearfully and wonderfully made by Him. Matthew 10:29-30 tells us that not even a sparrow falls without God knowing and even the hairs on our head are numbered.
We fear He won’t answer our prayers the way we want which may in turn cause us to question whether He really cares or even question His sovereignty. My Mom always told me as a child God answers all prayers. However, he just may not answer them in the exact way we ask them. Romans 8:28 tells us, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” We must trust and believe this.
We may wonder why even bother because of past prayers that we feel were unanswered and may even hold animosity towards Him due to this. But, Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” We never know the good that may come out of things we feel are really bad in our eyes, and I’m sure all of us can think of some prayers we thought were unanswered but later realized it was actually a good thing.
Either our desires are truly selfish or we feel because they benefit us in some earthly way they must be. Just because something benefits us doesn’t mean it’s selfish necessarily. We can use earthly gifts and blessings for His glory when we consciously think about it, give Him the due praise and glory, and then use those gifts for His glory.

Truly surrendering all to Him means we are doing all for His glory and not ours. We give all areas of our life to Him and His lordship. It’s not about us, and it’s never been about us. It’s about Him.

Once we surrender it all to Him, He will truly bless us. Abraham and Sarah waited until age 100 for Isaac. Can you imagine how precious and coveted this child was to Abraham? God then asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, the son he had waited all this time for. Not until the very last second when Abraham had the knife raised did God stop Abraham. Not until he knew Abraham was truly going to give his most prized possession to Him did God stop him. Then, God tells Abraham because he obeyed him and did not spare his beloved son he will surely bless him and give him more offspring than the sand on the seashores. He surrendered it all, and God blessed. Check this out in Genesis 22.

Maybe God is holding back things from you because you are holding things back from Him. You are not asking Him for help and giving it to Him. He’s waiting until you give them all to Him and will use them for His glory. He loves you enough to not give them to you until you do because He knows that’s when you will be truly satisfied and fulfilled..when you give it all to Him. He’s waiting for you to go “all in” with Him.

We read in Luke 18:2-8 where an unrighteous judge gave a persistent widow justice against her adversary because she kept asking him to do so. The question is posed that if an unrighteous judge will give help because you keep asking, won’t God if you truly cry out to Him for help?

Romans 8:32 reads…

“He who did not spare His own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”

What more does God really need to do than give us His only Son to show us His love and tell us we can bring him all our troubles surrendering all to Him? If today someone else sacrificed themselves or their son for my life, would that not tell me all I needed to know about their care and love for me?

Surrender your entire life to Him…not just some areas…all of them. Ask Him for help. Do not build your house in vain. Make every area of your life “Holy Gound.” It’s what He’s been waiting for. It’s what you’ve been waiting for that will give you peace and comfort that surpass understanding.

Let us pray the words of the song Holy Ground below by Passion/Melodie Malone..

“…Come and have your way Jesus.

Chains fall.

Fear bow.

Hear now.

Jesus, you change everything.

Lives healed.

Hope found.

Here now.

Jesus, you change everything….”

The Rich Fool

If you aren’t familiar with this parable, make sure to read these few verses. Luke 12:16-21 and Psalms 99.

A farmer has an abundant harvest, more than he could store in his barns. So he tore down the existing barns, built bigger barns to store it and save for himself so he could relax. Specifically, he was looking forward to taking it easy, eating, drinking, and being merry, for the rest of his days. Cue the voice of God: You Fool! Tonight you will lose your life, then who will have all of your stored up harvest?

Jesus wraps up the parable with the warning that the same will be for any of us, that store treasures and is not rich toward God.

I wonder where specifically this farmer went off track? He is described in the beginning as rich (but not yet called foolish)…so maybe leading into the abundance he is a rich + wise farmer. Having a good harvest or abundance isn’t bad. I don’t even know that storing the harvest was all that awful. He had to put it somewhere, right?! Although I’m not sure why he had to tear down the small barns and build the bigger barns…couldn’t he have built an extra barn for the excess? Why tear town the existing barns? I’d really like to ask this farmer a few questions. 🙂

It seems like it went downhill with his heart + desire. We don’t hear anything about a grateful heart for the abundance, a tithe or offering back to the Lord, and we don’t read that he sought direction from God on how to use the abundance. We don’t even hear any of his own plans to use the abundance to further the kingdom. He wants to relax and not have to worry about his future, keeping it in his own (perceived) control, relying on the abundance. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a good sabbath – we are even commanded to rest. But not forever!

The farmer’s plans sure sound A LOT like modern era retirement goals! Or lottery dreaming… “If I win the lottery, I am quitting my job tomorrow and living the good life”. While retirement planning is a good way to show stewardship over what God has provided, doing it without the Lord will lead us down a path like this Rich Fool. It seems like a fine line!

How much of my financial planning and saving is to be a good steward and how much is me wanting to have control? It feels hard to discern. Are my conversations with God about money sincere? Is my heart and mind completely open to whatever He would ask of me? I love this picture of having our hands open – fully willing to use anything the Lord gives, however He directs. And it’s when our hands are fully open, we are also able to fully receive what He has for us.

Earlier this week I left a conversation with my jaw wide open and a tear in my eye. Truly humbled by someone I really don’t know that well – but I crossed paths with Bob and wished him well in his upcoming “retirement”. I asked him what he had planned, to which he quickly replied “FIND A JOB”! What I know about Bob is that he has a heart for the Lord and a heart for kids. His career has been in shaping children, and at home, he and his wife have fostered and adopted children. I really don’t know much more about his family or his story, other than he was at the point in his career where he either could retire or had to retire, and yet he wasn’t planning to truly retire. He shared that he needed to keep working to get these kids through college. I think about the choices he had to make when welcoming kids into his home, and knowing it would push back his time to retire. I wonder what else he and his wife have sacrificed for the kingdom. Would I have a heart like Bob, who likely sees his peers “retiring” and he is retiring from one career and actively looking for the next.

Lord, thank you for all the prosperity you have given me. Thank you for the talents and opportunities to prosper. Help me to surrender any control or fear about money, and have complete confidence in Your provision. Please put people in my path that have current needs, more than the future me might need. Give me wisdom in being a good steward and keep me from being a fool! Thank you for people like Bob that show me how to be rich toward you. Amen.

But What You Will

Today’s Readings: Judges 15, Acts 19, Jeremiah 28, Mark 14

“Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” (Mark 14:36)

I’ve read Mark Chapter 14 over a few times this week. It’s dark, it’s desperate and the more time you spend with it, the more visceral it becomes. I’m not sure that I’ve ever taken the time to just read this text and absorb it. I began the week with lots of notes, scrawls and scratches in the margins everywhere. I wanted to really “bring it” today as I feel that this is one of the most important moments in the Bible. I decided though, this morning that I’m not going to bring it all. I can’t. Instead, I want to invite you to get on your knees and pray how Jesus did.

Now.

So really, join me. Stop what you’re doing and get to your knees. Say it in Jesus’ words:

Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.

When I consider Mark 14, I really identify with Peter. Poor Peter, so earnest in his pursuit of total devotion to Jesus Christ. Jesus predicts it. He tells him flat out, you will betray me. And Peter, so sure of himself, so sure of his commitment says:

“If I must die with you, I will not deny you.” (Mark 14:31)

When I read that, my heart is in my throat. You see it’s not that he is lying here. He is so sure of himself, so sure that nothing can take him from the side of Jesus. But then… How many of us can see the reflection of Peter in ourselves? How many of us are so sure on Sunday morning, hands outstretched to the heavens only to back away, hands hanging, head down on Monday morning. Me. That’s me. So often we hurt the people we love the most. Hurt and betray the people we’ve promised “only you” for life. There’s only one person that has the power, the strength the grace to keep his promises. It’s Jesus.

Marks shares with us this tiny glimpse. Like a beam of light, shining like a sliver on the floor of a dark room. He shows us a vulnerable Jesus. A Jesus that has no one in the dark night but his Abba his Father. In a few short words, he surrenders. He knows what’s to come and he accepts it. He asks to be relieved of the pain and the fear but then he turns it all over. I think for me as a growing Christian it’s so important to pause at this point and realize that God didn’t take Jesus’ suffering away. In fact, there really is no noticeable transcendent answer to his pleading. We know what comes next. We know that Jesus walks willingly into his own death on the cross. What a valuable lesson for us. God doesn’t answer our desperate prayers immediately, but he hears them.

Yet not what I will, what you will…

Jesus overcame fear and hesitation in the garden at Gethsemane. As that night wore on, his disciples betrayed him but he was not alone.

Abba, Father, give us strength to stand strong at the side of your son Jesus. Hear our prayer this week that it isn’t what I will but what You will. Give us long-range vision. Help us to understand in our darkest moments that you hear us and that in our surrender to you we’ll find rest.

Putting God First – My Testimony

Reading Link: Leviticus 6; Psalms 5–6; Proverbs 21; Colossians 4

One of the hardest things I have ever had to do is to make God first in every aspect of my life. This should be easy, right? Especially since God, the ultimate creative power, put everything into motion. Honoring God should be automatic, but it’s not. Because God is invisible, getting to know Him has been challenging. Because He is personal, He gets me, even better than I get myself. Remarkably, God desires fellowship with people, which becomes possible by faith through Jesus.

But I Through the abundance of your steadfast love, will enter your house. I will bow down toward your holy temple in the fear of you. -Psalm 5:7

As a child, I had a simple and easy faith which prevailed even through some early hardships. Then, when I was fourteen, my step father John died unexpectedly at thirty seven, I was devastated. He had been one of my closest freinds, my mentor and the present father I had lacked for the seven years since my parents had divorced. My faith was derailed. Instead of trusting God to help me work through my grief, I turned away dissapointed and angry even though God was there for me. I replaced my faith in God, with faith in me. A big mistake!

In the next fourteen years, my rebellion was filled with the pursuit of what I thought was freedom in order to pursue my pleasures. Then, to prove my worth in the world, my efforts eventually led to self glorification. I was going to do everything on my own, and take all the credit. This was comical really, considering how proud I was of the many aspects of my life which I had no control over. Being born into a certain family in America, in my time, or benefiting from some ancestor ‘s success from the 1800’s, or the countless people who helped me out in so many ways that I never even asked for. These were all beyond my control. Looking back I see even my limited achievements often occurred in unexplainable ways, yet I still took the credit. Luck or destiny, either way these were blessings, not accomplishments. Truthfully, despite all the glory I tried to claim for my self, I was never consistently happy, and it was never enough. There were many great highs, but they were always followed by lows; and the saddest thing was this: my life was simply slipping away as I drifted further from discovering my true purpose.

Fortunately I rediscovered the God of my childhood who was still patiently waiting to restore the fullness of the fellowship I had once enjoyed. And still I hesitated.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. -Proverbs 16:9

With open arms, like the father of the prodigal son, God has welcomed me back to His family. Making me whole in Jesus, forgiving all, and asking for the surrender of my will; not for Him, BUT FOR ME! And still, I’ve hedged my bets, tentatively investing in my relationship with God despite everything I have learned. It is only in my full subordination to God’s will that I receive the full measure of His blessing

God does not ask us to give Him everything, for everything is His. He simply asks us to recognize this fact, and live accordingly. We Are His creation, each splendidly unique. One of a kind as David LaFrance eloquently pointed out on Tuesday.

Once reconciled we begin to discover God’s plan for our lives. Each of us was created for a special reason; to uniquely point the way to God, to glorify Him like no other person could. Only in our genuine relationship with God do we find true freedom and purpose. This is the greatest life we will ever know!

The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the LORD. -Proverbs 21:31

So what am I waiting for?